My Big Redneck Wedding

On one of my many daily trips into the wild and wonderful world of reading random blogs (try to say that 10 times fast), I StumbleUpon the Couch Potatoes blog and read about a TV series called "My Big Redneck Wedding". CMT calls the show a "one-hour docu-reality series", which to me means yet another annoying reality TV show (I still *heart* you, Survivor!). The Couch Potatoes give a decent summary of "favorite moments" that goes a little something like this:

- After one reception the groom told his new wife: “Let’s go constipate this marriage.”
- One bride misplaced her false teeth. When her mother found out, she honestly said, "You want mine?" Thankfully, the dentures were found in time and a tooth exchange did not happen.
- When a bride and groom visited a florist and asked for “geranials.” The florist kindly explained that they were actually “geraniums.” The best part was that the groom was drinking a 24-ounce can of Budweiser wrapped in a paper bag, wino-style. When the bride expressed her dislike for ribbons and suggested that duct tape be used to bind the bouquets, the florist was visibly aghast. But not so much as when the couple decided to have the bouquets arranged in empty Budweiser cans. The florist actually uttered an “Oh my God” when she peeked out her shop window and saw the groom peeing in the street. As it turns out, the urination was a sign of his love for his bride-to-be – he spelled out her name (Gail, I think it was) while emptying his proverbial weasel.
- For his last night of freedom, one groom-to-be chose to go hog hunting. Another man and his posse shot off fireworks at each other. The brides? Well, “mud bogging” and target practice were prominently featured.
- The gifts the brides and grooms exchanged were…well…I’m speechless. One woman traded a couch for a truck grill. In exchange, her groom bought her a butchering kit from Wal-Mart (retail price was $19.99. I think that was the most expensive gift I saw). He told his new bride, “Now that you’re my wife, you’re going to be skinnin’ a lot more hogs.” Another man went dumpster diving for his gift. Yet another man spent numerous quarters trying to win a stuffed animal from one of those claw-like machines little with crap in it that only little kids are into. After garnering attention and tips from some of these nearby children, he succeeded in winning a stuffed snowman.
- At least two men went hunting to provide food for their receptions. Meat selections included hog, rabbit and even a Redneck delicacy, squirrel. And instead of a DJ or live band, the entertainment included greased-pig competitions, mud wrestling and even “mattress surfing.”
- Some of the couples wrote their own vows. One man looked deeply into the eyes of his bride and said, “I promise to always get yer smokes and always get yer beer.” If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.

Folks, I don't even know where to start. Is any of this stuff actually real? Do you truly believe these people would act this way and do/say these things when the cameras are not rolling? I'm almost afraid to know the answer. I've known a few folks in my lifetime who I'd classify as "redneck", but NONE of the rednecks I know would ever sink this low. Perhaps the Couch Potatoes are correct when they say, "Apparently, the Western Pennsylvania Redneck is an entirely different species than, say, the Southern Georgia Redneck or the South Carolina Redneck." Thank God for that!!!!

My feelings at the moment fall somewhere between disgust and intrigue. I almost think I might watch and episode just to see what happens. Is that what CMT execs are hoping would happen?